Just got back from a long ass road trip! Yes I had a great time but NEVER again will you get me in a car for that long! I have come to the realization that being normal sucks ass!!!!! I mean I have tried to tone down my lifestyle and be humble and not party too much not shop too much. UGH FML!!!!! I feel good in the decision that I made to get out of the industry but I never really knew how much harder everything becomes. Now I watch every single dollar I spend. Before I didn't have a care because I knew that it was coming right back....... Now this 9-5 isn't cutting it and I'm all freaking out! I should have planned better before I actually stopped everything. On the flip side though...... The fact that I was able to get out and get my mind right. I mean the last 6 yrs have been dysfunctional relationships back to back to back, lonely hotel rooms every night, and city after city of dealing with the same tricks. Now I am proud to say that I am only sleeping with one person and that is all I need. I am a recovering sex addict who quit cold turkey. There have been a few times where I have been close to relapsing and saying fuck it and getting back into the industry. I miss having all my awesome fans and all the attention! With any addiction though you will have your good days and bad days. This I can say is one of my more stressful days..... My boyfriend is great and has gone above and beyond to help support me and my lifestyle but dude it really sucks always being like.... baby can you help with this.... baby can you help with that. I remember when I could take care of me plus another person all by myself. Still haven't figured out what I will do next..... If I will go back to school, get a second job if I want to start my own business, or what. Kinda an awkward growing period in my life. It is safe to say though that life is still good and no matter the outcome I will be successful. But I will continue to stand strong and have faith that I will find my niche.
Well thanks for letting me vent I feel much better and am gonna go eat the rest of my feelings lol These oreo's are calling my name.