Monday, August 31, 2015

My obsession

This is a topic that I never really talk about but here goes.... Ever since I was 11yrs old I have been obsessed with this one guy. I guess you could say he was my first crush. He was 7 years older then me so nothing ever happened not to mention he is straight. Growing up I would see him at family events and I would always try to just be around him stare at him as he was so handsome. As I got older he would bring his girlfriends around and I would bring my boyfriends but I would always find myself going out of my way to have a conversation with him. It always took me a while to muster up the courage as the butterflies fluttered in my stomach and I would just be too nervous. Those small moments that we talked it felt as if it were just him and I. As I got older the admiration turned to lust and every time I would be around him it was hard to not try to flirt or stare and I would find myself avoiding him but wanting to be around him. He eventually got married and had kids now and I have an amazing boyfriend but the thought has always been there. What if I ever had a chance with him...... I know it's just a silly fantasy. Every now and then like last night I have a dream about him. It's all too real and throws me off. We are casually talking which turns into flirting. I express how much I've wanted nothing more then to make him mine. He kisses and embraces me and in that one moment I feel complete. Before I know it I am awake ..... Hot and bothered and it just throws off the rest of my day. I guess that's why I find myself writing about it. Something I couldn't shake. One day I'm sure this infatuation will fade but for now I will let it burn another day. 

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